Ask Fish

04-26-03

As the season finally gets started tomorrow at Lee and this will, hopefully, be the last day of sitting around in the rain waiting for the racing to start, I will now take time out of my tremendously busy schedule and try to answer a few of your questions that have built up over the off-season.

Dear Fish,

I’ve heard rumors of some of my competitors making their own, illegal, tire softener. I’m afraid if I don’t do it too, I will never be able to keep up on the track. Do you have the formula?

Signed, Perry Noid

Dear Mr. Noid,

Yes, it’s easy, all you’ll need is one quart of whiskey, one gallon of gasoline, a newspaper and a match. Drink the whiskey quickly, read the newspaper to give the whiskey a decent chance to work, pour the gas on the tires, and strike the match. This will soften them tires up more than any commercial tire softener on the market, guaranteed!

Dear Fish,

I heard during the winter that the BNS cars will line up "Cup Style" for restarts this year, can you tell me what that means?

Signed, Pat MaGroin

Dear Pat,

What that means, is that NASCAR will line up the cars that are one or more laps down on the inside and the lead lap cars on the outside for restarts. NASCAR will then decide, probably by drawing straws or by coin toss who will be the "Bad Guy" The "Bad Guy" will then either be black flagged for passing on the right or left, whichever the case may be, or will not have a competitor penalized for passing on the right or left, whichever the case may be, or will be black flagged for taking out the first car one lap down to his left or the first car two laps down on his right. Either that or the car to the "Bad Guy’s" left will not be penalized for taking out the "Bad Guy" or will be penalized for taking out the first car one lap down on the "Bad Guy’s" right.

NASCAR implemented this new rule to avoid any confusion during restarts.

Dear Fish,

What do you think of Tracy Gordon’s decision to go ASA racing, will the live TV be good for his career?

Signed, Ima Noyen

Dear Ima,

I actually bought a digital cable package so that I would have Speed Channel and be able to see these races. So far, I’ve watched three races and seen approximately six different cars. These were the ones that either crashed or won. As long as Tracy is willing to either crash or win each race he’ll get some airtime, otherwise, he would be just as well off in the Street Stock division at any local track

Dear Fish,

I watched the Winston West race at Vegas on Speed Channel and noticed that they had a "halfway break". What in the world is that and what is the reason for it?

Signed, M.T. Hedd

Dear Mr. Hedd,

The "halfway break" is a 10-minute caution flag in the middle of the race that NASCAR says allows the drivers to pit and work on the car without penalty. All race fans know that the real reason for the break is so that the fans at home can go drain off a couple of beers without missing any part of the race. It’s a nice gesture on NASCAR’s part but we real race fans solved that problem long ago with multiple TV’s. Myself, for instance, have the Big Screen in the living room, a 19-inch on the kitchen counter and a portable that can be put on the washing machine in the bathroom. Cable has been run to all three of these TV’s. I, or any of my beer-drinkin’ buddies can, during live action, get up from the living room, go to the bathroom, stop at the refrigerator for a fresh Busch Beer and get back into the recliner without ever having missed a lap of competition. Thanks, NASCAR, but I’m way ahead of you here!

Dear Fish,

Where is the best place to get a cold beer after the Lee race?

Signed, Johnny Walker

Dear Johnny,

Maine, Massachusetts, or Vermont. There will be no cold beer in New Hampshire this year until I get there in July with the Big Brown Truck. Damn! I’m going to miss that May race!

. As always, send Questions, Comments, Hate Mail, and Indecent Proposals to, Fish c/o Busch North Scene or e-mail them to fishy@gwi.net