Tina's Rainout List

06/09/03

 

Rain, again! I was within 10 miles of Beech Ridge when the call came in. I turned around the Big Brown Truck and headed it back home. I walked in the door cussing and asking the question "Now what the hell do I do?" Much to my surprise, my daughter Tina, had the answer. I’m not certain that her 15-year-old mind works just the same way most race fans minds do, but I was stumped, she offered, and here’s what she came up with. I think there are some pretty useful ideas here and I’ll keep a copy around because it looks as though we could be doing this often this season.

Tina’s list of "What-to-do’s" for racing rainouts.

1. Call everyone on your cell phone list to tell them the race is cancelled.
2. Photo copy your face on the copier at work.
3. Cross-dress your neighbor’s cat. (If your smart, you’ll wear gloves while doing it)
4. Play "Barbie’s at the race track" with your daughter.
5. Get out all your 1980’s race tapes and bet on who wins each race.
6. Watch re-runs on TV and complain about every one. (A typical evening for me)
7. Take your wife to the movies and watch a "chick flick" (remember, this is NOT my writing, nor are they my ideas!)
8. Go into the garage, turn on a power saw and cry.
9. Grab a beer and a raincoat and sit in the rain. (this one might be my idea)
10. Tape yourself driving and watch it in fast-forward.
11. Count the bug bites on your left leg.
12. Re-arrange the living room, and then put it back. (Tina re-arranges her room often, she just never puts it back)
13. Swing your son in the hammock and see how long it takes before he vomits.
14. Watch the neighbor’s dog run after a squirrel and choke himself on his leash.
15. Drive down the road and lean out the window to yell at all the yard sales.
16. Have your kids sit beside the road with a sign that reads "take me for the night, Dad’s race got cancelled" (I really didn’t think I was being that hard to live with)
17. Get some friends together and see who can go the longest without "watering the roses."
18. Paint your wife’s car to match your favorite driver’s and then blame it on the kids.
19. Stick a fork in a light socket. (she’s definitely got some odd things going on in that little head of hers)
20. Drive 2 hours out of your way to buy a glue stick for your kids school project. (been there, done that)
21. Drive your dog and cat, in the boat, to an island and leave them for the day together.
22. Staple your kids up in a large paper bag and time how long it takes them to get out.
23. Wrap your cat in toilet paper and watch him squirm.
24. Time the Jet Dryers on TV and make bets on which one can dry the track the fastest.
25. Throw rocks at the squirrels. (I may have taught her that one)
26. Put a cup on your head and see how much rain falls into it.
27. Create a funny portrait of your wife and then burn it before she sees it.
28. Get some friends together and time how long it takes to change all the tires on all the cars in the driveway.

 

As always, send Questions, Comments, Hate Mail, and Indecent Proposals to, Fish c/o Busch North Scene or e-mail them to fishy@gwi.net

(I’ll forward them to my daughter)