Ask Fish

07/05/04

 

            Well, it’s been a while. I think it has been over two months since I actually sat down long enough to type a couple pages or even to think about what I would type if I were to type a couple pages. I’ve had many questions as to my whereabouts and I’ve given out all kinds of silly answers, lame excuses and even a couple of totally bull stories. Since I’ve had so much fun reading and answering the questions, I thought I’d relay the best of them in this column. What follows may be considered fact or fiction depending on my mental state at this particular moment and the elasticity of the truth of the questions involved.

            Dear Fish; where is the “Fish Eye View” this month? I really missed it.

Signed, Ima Phan.

            Dear Ima; I’m awful sorry I let my fans down, but I was called into active service and have been sitting on a very large deck at a remote pond in central Maine protecting the locals from terrorist attacks armed with nothing but a small cooler full of one pound cans of yellow colored liquid. I must be doing a hell of a job because no one has attacked yet.

            Dear Fish; When I picked up last month’s Busch North Scene and looked for your column in it’s usual place, I found a picture of what could have been you 20 years ago holding a dog. The column was really “Twisted” and actually contained facts and information, something I know you would never stoop to. What gives? Have you been replaced?

Signed, Perry Noid.

            Dear Perry; I hope not but it looks as though I may have been. If anyone can find out who the guy is that’s holding my replacement in the picture, please call me so I can discuss contractual issues with him.

            Dear Fish; Didn’t I see you at Thompson back in May? Why have we not heard from you since then?

Signed, Jerry Attrick.

            Dear Jerry; Yes, you did see me at Thompson and the BNS race was one of the best I have ever seen! What a great facility! I had a great time there. The reason I haven’t been seen since is because the modified race that started that day is just finishing up now. I’ve never seen anything quite like it, the race started normally but went into the crapper fast. Before lap #1 had ended there were 3 cautions. Cautions # 4 and #5 were on lap #7. The sixth caution was on lap #13. It was then that I fell into a deep sleep and when I woke this morning, the race was just finishing up.

            Dear Fish; Not only do we miss your columns tremendously but your presence at the track has been greatly missed by all of us. I’ve heard a rumor that you are laying around at the lake every day and doing nothing. Can we expect to see you back at the track?

Signed, Your biggest fan.

            Dear Fan; Although you sound suspiciously like Busch North Scene editor, George Campbell, and I think my wife may have started that rumor, I can say that I’ll be back at the track for the NHIS race (I wouldn’t miss having you buy me a few nice cold New Hampshire beers for anything) and will be at three or four more races this season to help keep track of your sunglasses and pass out papers.

            Dear Fish; What do you think of the new rules that NASCAR has toyed with in all of it’s top divisions to make the racing more competitive and the playing field more level?

Signed, Gene Yuss

            Dear Gene; Are you kidding? Someone high up in the NASCAR hierarchy must have moved to the lake also and has missed even more racing than I have in the past couple months!

As always, send Questions, Comments, Hate Mail, and Indecent Proposals to, Fish c/o Busch North Scene or e-mail them to fishy@ctel.net